HENRY SENIOR

The Red Dog?  Really, Mona?

 

MONA

It’s none of your business what I

do.

 

HENRY SENIOR

Fine.  Listen, I’m really concerned about Henry.  Can we come in?

 

MONA sighs and then stands aside so they can come in.

 

HENRY SENIOR sees DOG on the sofa.

 

HENRY SENIOR

(to DOG)

Hello, Larry.

 

DOG gets up off the sofa, and they shake hands.

 

DOG

Hey, do me a favor.  Don’t call me

Larry.

 

HENRY SENIOR Nods.

 

MONA

If she’s going to be here for this

so-called family pow-wow, then

Dog gets to be here too.

 

HENRY SENIOR looks at HENRY.  HENRY shrugs.

 

DOG

Yeah, I was just givin’ the kid

some fatherly advice a few minutes

ago.

 

HENRY SENIOR

Fine.

 

They all take seats in the living room, JENNY next to     HENRY SENIOR on the sofa, along with DOG, MONA in a   chair, HENRY standing and fidgeting as though he wants to be ready to run if he has to.

 

JENNY

(to Mona)

I like the way you have your

living room arranged.  It’s so

. . . practical.

 

MONA

(glaring)

I guess you’ve never seen my house before, have you?  It used to be Big Henry’s, too, you know.

 

JENNY

Well, no, I’ve never been here

before.

 

MONA

That’s good to know.  So what’s

up?  What’s this all about?

 

DOG

Hey, Jenny, you starin’ at my

tattoo?

 

JENNY

I’m sorry.  What is that?

 

DOG

It’s okay.  You can stare.  It’s a

Velociraptor.

 

JENNY

Oh.

 

DOG

You can touch it.

 

MONA

Why don’t you two go out on a date

so you can get to know each other better.  Now, what the hell are we

here for?

 

BRANDY comes through the front door and stops, her   mouth agape.

 

BRANDY

What crazy shit is this?

 

HENRY SENIOR

Brandy, hi.  We’re--

 

MONA

Have a seat.  Your father has news.  He’s here to arrest Henry or

something.

 

BRANDY

I hope so.

 

BRANDY sits on the floor next to MONA’s chair.

 

HENRY SENIOR

Okay, here’s the situation.

Mr. Krebs filed another complaint.

Says Henry paintballed his car last night and then came in his

restaurant today, burst into his office, and threatened his life.

 

HENRY

I caught him looking at Brandy’s

tits.

 

HENRY SENIOR

Henry, you can’t stop people

from looking at each other.

 

HENRY 

He paid her to show them to him.   

To show them naked to him.  I

caught them.

 

HENRY SENIOR

You saw them?  You saw Brandy--

 

HENRY

Yeah, she had her shirt undone and

her . . . her . . . jugs all

hanging out.

 

BRANDY

God, Henry, you make them sound

huge.

 

HENRY SENIOR

This right, Brandy?

 

BRANDY

He offered me fifty bucks.

(to HENRY)

You really think they’re big?

 

HENRY

You’re such a whore, Brandy.

 

BRANDY

I didn’t even get my money, thanks

to you.  Again.

 

HENRY SENIOR

Mona, don’t you have any control over these kids? 

 

MONA

They don’t listen to me.

 

HENRY SENIOR

What about setting an example?  What kind of example are you setting for them?

 

MONA

What the hell does that mean?

 

HENRY

Yeah, what the hell does that

mean?

 

HENRY SENIOR

Don’t you swear at me, young man.

 

MONA

Swear all you want, kid.  That’s the kind of thing I teach you, isn’t it?  To swear all the time?  Threaten people’s lives.  Get some twelve-year-old knocked up.  Go ahead, kid.  Tell your father what a lousy mother I am.

 

HENRY SENIOR

Now, Mona, all I’m saying--

 

MONA

I know what you’re saying.  Brandy, tell your father how I’m training you to be a whore.  Just like me.

 

BRANDY

(giggling)

Jesus, Mom.

 

MONA

Oh, excuse me.  Drunken whore.  I forgot the drunken part.

(looking at HENRY)

Who wants to work at the Red Dog.

(to HENRY SENIOR)

 

There you go, big guy, Mr. father-of-the-year.  That what you wanted me to confess?  Are you happy now?

 

HENRY SENIOR

Mona, I’m just concerned about our children.

 

MONA

You weren’t so concerned about the

kids when you walked out.

 

HENRY SENIOR

Mona, I couldn’t take it any more. 

I . . . I don’t want to talk about that.  We’ve got to do something

about Henry.  Brandy, too, it

sounds like.

 

MONA

You smug asshole.  You don’t think

your shit stinks, do you?

 

HENRY SENIOR

For God’s sake, Mona, you don’t have

to be so vulgar.

 

MONA

I’m sorry but I’m pretty good and Goddamned pissed right now.  Mr. holy Joe comes over here to tell me I’m a lousy, no-good mother, and where the hell has he been?

 

HENRY SENIOR

I’ve wanted to be more involved in the kids’ lives.  I want them to start coming over on weekends.

 

JENNY

He really misses them.  He says so all the time.  It really depresses him.

 

MONA

(glaring at JENNY)

Jenny, you look so cute in that outfit.  So how old are you?

 

JENNY

I’m--

MONA

You look so--oh, what’s the word? 

So . . . wholesome.  Yeah, wholesome.

 

JENNY

(stiffly)

Thank you.

 

HENRY SENIOR

Mona, let’s get back on track.  Henry’s on the verge of getting into some real trouble.

 

MONA

Wouldn’t make you look too good down at the precinct, now would it?  To have a juvenile delinquent kid?

 

HENRY SENIOR

That’s not it.  I love Henry.

 

MONA

(looking at JENNY)

Yes, Jenny, you certainly do look wholesome.  Innocent.  How old--

 

HENRY SENIOR

Mona.

 

MONA

Wait.  I want to ask Jenny something.  Can I ask you something, Jenny?

 

JENNY

Yes.  Sure.

 

MONA

Thank you.  Now I want everyone to

listen to my question, and I want everyone to listen to her answer.

I’m certain that someone who looks as wholesome as Jenny here couldn’t possibly lie.  We’ll all know that what she says is the truth.

 

HENRY SENIOR

No games, Mona.  We’re here to talk about Henry.

 

MONA

No game.  Just a simple question.  Simple answer.  Yes or no.  That simple.  Are you ready, Jenny?